Sunday 28 October 2007

The Revelations Hurts

I already told my mom about my relationship with him. I told her that its already over but i do love him. She took it calmly and said "This going to be first and the last conversation about this because I dont want to hear anything about it". She also said that it is enough of her losing one son (converted to Islam three years ago) and not going to lose another child of her (that is me of course). She said it is still okay for her losing a son but not a daughter because nobody can help me if anything happens to me in the future. What she means is that if under any circumstances, nobody going to protect me if I might facing a divorce or anything like it. It would make her more hurts than seeing her daughter being unprotected under that circumstances. She rather to see my unmarried as long as I didnt marry any muslims guy in the future. But if I still want to pursue my dream with him, mom said she going to consider that she never had me as her daughter anymore. Well, You know what its means...

After that tele-conversation, I cry myself loud and call him for the bad news. I just dont know what to do next. I dont want to lose both of them because I love them so much. I dont want to choose because it is going to hurts everyone that I love. I wish I can just go off from here and start my new life at some place that far from here. Not to be found by anyone else. Just me and my life alone. But I know, if I do this, I am going to break a lot of hearts and might not seeing them again. I wish I have the strength and courage to do so but I dont. But who knows if I do have the strength and courage, I might end up using my passport and fly away from here and look for a peaceful place for me to live my life forever.

God, please hear my voice and help me with this. If it is true that my destiny is to be with him, please do give the sign. Please do give the sign to my mom. Let us know what is good for everyone. Amen.