Thursday 2 April 2009

How to Find True Love - part 2

A romance writer shows her children ... (By Nadine Crenshaw)

3. Talk about everything except divorce. I was not a talker when I met your dad. In my childhood, I'd learned that it was best to remain silent around my alcoholic father, who could twist any statement into a weapon. But Robert stubbornly refused to accept my silence. It was my first intimation of the strength of his love.

There is only one subject, we discovered that should be taboo in a marriage: divorce. The mere mention of this word brings it into the realm of possibility. Your father and I learned this the hard way. During a trying period years ago, I found myself calmly saying, "Maybe we should get a divorce.: He answered, "Maybe we should."

How did we get to the point? Simply by mentioning the ugly. "D" word in times of anger ("If we cant work things out we might have to consider divorce") and by slipping it sideways into discussions ("If we ever got a divorce...").

The day we frankly confronted the divorce option, we were not terribly angry with each other, but we had gradually let divorce become a real choice in our thinking. We made a pact, then and there, never again to mention the word "divorce" in association with us. we haven't dared break that pact in 17 years.

Want the best for each other. Being married doesn't mean that you are glued together. One of the wonderful things about love is that it binds without crippling. Remember, not all your activities, friends or enthusiasms will be the same as your mate's.

When your father went back to college for his teaching degree, it meant starting over, but I wanted him to fulfill his potential. When I decided to abandon paramedical training and become a writer, he encouraged me. Loving someone doesn't mean your goals are always identical. But if you want something, then your mate wants it for you too.

* To be continued for part 3


  1. Talk about everything except divorce. -->> this is very true even in a relationship of bf gf level. TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING EXCEPT BREAKUP...unless of cos when it is really really REALLY necessary to bring it up and when things is actually not working out for both ends.

  2. interesting artical. the writer and her husband nearly did the D thing.

    Demonic Angle: what if "breakup" is necessary to save a relationship. It is possible to happen. As in a situation that as you said thing are not working out for both part. so one part needs time to change and the other need to support. but in the same time giving space to each other. whats your opinion. it sounds stupid but it could happen.

  3. today i came to knw a story.. thot nk enjoy citer part 1, tp ths morning, a bit contemplating bout "true love".. sedey sedey

  4. "so one part needs time to change and the other need to support.but in the same time giving space to each other."

    time to change --->> if that someone really wanted to change, then he/she should make the effort and not for the sake of Saying only. talk is easy, but doing it is different

    giving space --->> There will alwys be time that both party would need some space for themselves in the relationship and i agree with this. giving space is not equal to breakup i suppose though, or mayb u hav other opinion?

    ---->> Want the best for each other <<-----
    and not want to best for me and me..and me only.

  5. FUZZY : cite ape tu?

  6. Demonic Angel: i agree with your statement too.
    but to change ones attitude and bad habits needs alot of action done and it may hurt people near you in the same time. that is why to change one self needs lots of time and space.

    for the last part wanting the best for each other is the best thing. ones can`t be selfish. some action mayseem to be selfish but it is for the both party.

  7. If that's the case, then he/she should try to make the partner understand the reason he/she needs the time and space.

    Relationship needs understanding as well besides trust. When the understanding is not there, then the relationship will suffer a lot and the people involved will suffer even more....

    As much as love is important in having a relationship to work, it is still not the only factor for the relationship to actually work out for both parties. Having a relationship is not about " i love you and you love me" only.

  8. Demonic Angel: i`m 100% agree with that. love is not about "i love you and you love me"only. its about understanding, trust, sacrifice and patience.
    but to get a person to understand is not easy. can you give an opinion?

  9. hurmm...marvic why so quiet?sorry to use your comments for debating...just it is so

  10. to understand someone or being understood is never an easy task.

    To be understood by someone, one should TRY their best to make that someone understand him/her.

    To understand someone, one should TRY their best to see things from different point of view and try to see things from the other party side as well and put oneself in his/her shoe.

    When the understanding is reached, then things will be alright at the end.

  11. Demonic Angel: what if one of the party doesn`t wanna understand? well, won`t that be sad. pity the other party, every explanation will be seen from negative aspect.

  12. Demonic Angel: thanks for answering my comments and sharing your point of views. hope we can meet someday in other blogs and continue debate on other issues. thank you to all.

  13. ;) no probs. anytime.

    "hope we can meet someday in other blogs and continue debate on other issues" -->> if i knw thre's any debate on other issues.. lol

  14. marvic - wakey wakey marvic..
    demonic angel - citer mereka dan keluarga-keluarga mereka.. panjang citer

    mm apa kata guest said & dominic angel pegi minum teh tarik.. la la la

  15. Want the best for each other - sometimes akan buat kite unhappy sbb terlalu push diri untuk happy kan partner kite..