Wednesday 1 April 2009

How to Find True Love

I always have problem with a relationship and until now I am still not sure who is the one that I should shared my life with. However, I got this interesting article and would like to share it here..

A romance writer shows her children ...

How to Find True Love
By Nadine Crenshaw

As a writer of romance novels, I create exotic fantasies. My heroines are beautiful, my heroes gilded with a touch of the legendary, my plots larger than life. Fans sometimes think of me as an expert on love, but my children never ask my advice. When I try to give it anyway, they roll their eyes. to then, I'm just Mom - too impossibly old-fashioned and ordinary to understand the winds of their times.

Since they have reached their teens, however, they often painful searches for that special someone have left me sleepless many a night. There are so many things I wish for them that I am utterly powerless to provide. Sometimes I imagine a little scene. Robby and Johanna ask me, "Mom, how do I find true love?" Here is what I say:

1. Understand that love is a state of mind and heart. It is not dependent on beauty, physical strength or the romantic settings I use in my books. Though it may begin with infatuation, it moves from physical attraction in a golden curve, often involving sacrifice, to the deepest bond between two people.

Love for me is specific: I speak of your father, Robert, my husband of 23 years. To you our marriage is as plain as vanilla ice cream, but it is the core of my life. Ours is the kind of love to which romance novels are just a prelude. Your dad doesn't arrange intimate dinners or second honeymoons. He doesn't bring me flowers. What he does is keep my car repaired and full of gasoline so I'll never be stranded. He vacuums the carpet when your grandmother is coming, not because he cares, but because he knows I care. Though your dad is not a pet person, when our old cat died, Robert buried hint for me. He held me while I wept. After I'd mourned for several months, he encouraged me to adopt a kitten. So remember, true romance, the enduring kind, often comes so cleverly disguised its easy to overlook.

2. Settle for nothing less than total commitment. I've seen couples live together in a trial marriage. That seems as logical as bitting into an orange to see if you have an appetite for an apple.

I know a man who has bitten one orange after another for years. He claims women are too into themselves to commit to a relationship, but he's got it backward. No one can open up the depths of her heart to a mere experiment. A marriage certificate wont solve all your problems, but until you have the guarantee of one, you cant begin the struggle to forge yourselves into one unit against the world, the ultimate goal.

A mate is the post you lean on, the person who, when you've really screwed up, loves you anyway. The only way to get that kind of mate is to make the dreadful leap of trust and be that kind of mate.

* To be continued tomorrow


  1. ada sambungan lagi esok fuzzy... :)

  2. wonderful story to share Maria.. i'll come back tmrw for the sambungan :D but.. have faith in love.. cos you will know when u finally found him.

  3. thanks anny for that advice..i am still looking and searching for my true love..he must be out there either waiting for me or looking for me...

    i'll definitely will continue this story tomorrow

  4. "Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly
    and without law, and must be plucked where it is found,
    and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration."
    - D. H. Lawrence

  5. heeeee. can't wait for d part 2.

  6. nice...but how bout if that trust has been broken and he/she needs time to build it? most people i know told me that they would let that relationship go. would you wait for the trust to built back or just let go even though your feeling is still there? any opinions?

  7. iyda, LOVE can be sweet and sometime can be very painful to live with.

  8. Guess, there must be a reason when that trust cant be delivered anymore. some people will let the relationship go, some will still hold on it but some will not sure what he/she really want. I even experienced this myself at the moment.and I admit that me myself cant decide what i really want.

  9. Hello guess..

    Nice question..
    For me just re-build a new life and try to not remember he/she.. If u still thinking about him/her it will make u suffer..

  10. selalu berdoa utk yg terbaik ye...:)

  11. aku nak kena taip bahasa inggeris ke nih? susah arr gitu. nanti aku taip, korang tak bleh baca pulak. bahasa inggeris aku tahap tinggi nih. huh! malas arr nak jawab dah semua orang tulis english.

    p/s : serius ke nama ko maria? beautiful maria? hehehe..

  12. Marvic: oic, i think that you need time to think it over. is there other factor that cause this uncertainess? let say the relationship takes too long, someone new came in or long distance? what do you think bout the other partner? is it fair for him/her?

    anonymous: what if he/she is still love the partner and they went out for a long time. would that be a waste...

    i like to debate issue like this.

  13. Guest; The uncertainess may cause by someone new or long distance relationship or may not cause by any one of the reason above. May also cause by long-suffering that the other partner may not realized in the relationship. Again, I cant give any opinion whether is it fair for him/her as we dont really know what is the real issue behind the separation.

  14. Marvic: ok, in your situation? what was the cause? sorry of i use your situation in this debate. in the artical that you post above stated that,

    "A mate is the post you lean on, the person who, when you've really screwed up, loves you anyway. The only way to get that kind of mate is to make the dreadful leap of trust and be that kind of mate."

    what if, things that is happening, actually your partner is taking the dreadful leap of trust. what would you do?. maybe in the past he/she has suffer longer then we know. wouldn`t that be selfish of us to do that to her/him.

  15. By having a relationship, both should be sharing thoughts and that's how the trust is built upon.

    Is it still fair if 1 decided that he/she should put the other waiting on a fragile string and waiting and anticipating 4 something so uncertain that its bound to be nothing in the end?

    When u r in a relationship, it's a mutual thing and both should be sharing. That's y for a relationship to work, both party need to be involved. If 1 is suffering or having some kind of problem, he/she should at least let the partner know and not trying to be heroic and make decision without even thinking of the other party's feeling. That is being selfish and having self pity only, which is pathetic. Because u only think of ur own feelings but never of ur mate's feeling.

  16. Anonymous: in an attempt not to become a hero nor to hurt the partners feeling, a promise has been said. let say you have to put a relationship on a hold. the cause is that you need time.

    the partner has been noted and he/she has promise to wait. in that period of time you and your partner still communicate like nothing has happend.

    then he/she then change at the same time you are ready. just like that. is it fair or not for you cause you clinch to that promise. who should be blame in this situation?

    WOW! new artical came up!!

    MArvic: that was fast...wanna read it now!!

  17. "sorry, I have to put u on hold becos i need time". much time do we all have? no one knws that. If u're put on hold for a solid reason, then maybe it'd be fair. but if the reason for the hold up is something even the person who decided to put the hold on is not even sure of, can it still be fair? sounds like he/she is trying to preach fairness when he/she is not even being fair to the partner.

    "then he/she then change at the same time you are ready." --->> is that other person actually sure that he/she is really ready? or is it jz a smack of egoism becos he/she felt challenged for what has happend? Then later when he/she tries to get back, the other side of the ego comes back..and put the partner on hold....again....and again....and again...

    I wonder has the other party rethink back why the promise was somehow being breached upon.

  18. When someone breaks the promise she/he made to you, think back whether u urself have done anything to give him/her the excuse to break the promise in the first place.

    Whenever something happens, try look back on urself first, before u look on to the other party and blame him/her for everything.

  19. Anonymous: wow, you sound angered. cool down.
    ok, when you promise to people, still its a promise to keep. but if the put on hold thing is already been told and that is the reason the promise is made. then its isn`t fair to breach the promise.
    So he/she should have just said No to the "put on hold" thing.

    yes, we can`t deny that egoism could be a factor, but if the person can stay at the parners side along the period of on hold, well, from my point of view that is not egoism. If it is egoism, i believe the guy will leave his/her partner from the start.

    but what if that person when ask do he/her have feeling to his/her partner and he/she answers yes. is that egoism or denial?

  20. yes promise r meant to be kept, but then after he/she had made the promise, the partner never shows any advancement on the "put on hold" factor, then who is actually in denial in that situation?

    Egoism --> he/she might not leave her from the start, but he/she could be stringing the partner on and on, becos he/she is jz too ego to admit his/her own denial that's been shown in the situation itself.

  21. Anonymous: well, if the person is in front of each others eyes then i agree. what if, they are in different places. advancement sometimes can be very small. well, i`ll take my situation. i agree before this i was a shopaholic. i can`t and don`t know how to save money. but now i changed and get rid of that bad habit. people can`t see me that i`ve start saving money, but i do. now i can say every time i open my bank book i could smile whole day.

    hmm...bout the Egoism thing i think that most guys won`t stringing to a girl. cause some guys ego is to big. Lol. a few guys maybe but rare. but the percentage of sincerity is possible.

  22. Share..... sharing the small little advancement with the other person so that he/she knows what have u achieved in trying to change urself and let him/her be happy with what you have achieved as well.

    bring some smile to the people who care for you by sharing

  23. Anonymous: let me guess. Anonymous, did you have a history? heheheh your comment sounds kindda weird. as though you are protecting yourself or someone...heheheh

    Anyways, sometimes people expecting big-big changes and some people would like to share when they are ready. only when people are not patience enough that they get confuse and don`t wanna understand.

  24. =) my history exceeds beyond these petty comments

    it hurts to be placed on the sacrificial altar by someone u love and being sacrificed and taken for granted by that same person

  25. Anonymous: same here...hahahha...been there felt that too.....hehhheehe
    alright then, thank you for your help. all your comments will be taken as a point in my thesis later. anyways, thanks to Marvic for bring up a good topic for a debate and to all who answered my comments t.q. for the ideas and point of views.

  26. Guest; ur opinions sounds kinda weird too...are u saying it out for someone or for yourself? sorry i cant joined this interesting debate.i have deadline to meet today

  27. hahah at last a comment from Marvic. just leaving...nah, i`m just saying out to provoke other people to say out their opinion and make things interesting. anyways, thanks.

  28. marvic berbelit mata ako bace komen nihh.. ber'english' hahahaha..
    nway for me, how to say.. actually i takut pada komitmen.. especially for serius part like marriage.. hahaha

    wish u find a soul mate.. muahh